Chapter ONE
(Please note that the first chapter isn’t edited by a professional editor yet.)

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Jake Peters was livid. If he could, he would move Tylor Benson, one of his patients to P&E just to get away from that wretched woman.
The last straw was when Teresse put that baby in his arms and Holly’s guild made her flee.
It fucked him over big time, sitting with that baby, giving her tender loving care, knowing that Holly never even gave him the chance to sit like this with his own.
She would never own up to her mistakes and he needed to get away from this hospital as fast as his legs could go.
He never thought that a person could love and hate someone so much.
He should’ve never even been nice to her to start with.
But tonight, tonight she just pissed him off when she page Oliver instead of him when Tylor woke up.
He was an arrogant bastard and didn’t surprise him that he was a fly bugging around Holly.
That was also the reason why he knew he still loved her.
As much as she fucked him over, he was still jealous by the fact that Ollie was a better friend with potential. Potential of having her in his arms and kissing her and not to say experience just how fucking great her love was. But it’s usually the ones you love so fucking much that hurt the most.
He thought he learned his lesson well, only to be sidestepped when she returned.
Making him confused all over.
Why did she even fucking become a doctor, he couldn’t phanthom that.
She was into hearts, what the fuck was she doing in Peads.
He found his SUV and climbed into the car.
He fucking hates all his thoughts when it comes to Holly. The fact that he toyed with her in traffic that one night, playing her that stupid song.
He needed to get home to Kate and just wrap his arms around her and play with Michael, but he knew that the boy was fast asleep.
Kate needed to be enough for him.
He would stay away from Downsend and just come when there were serious emergencies, other than that, his own Hospital has to be off-limits to him.
He wishes there was a fucking way to fire her. She doesn’t deserve to work at his hospital or carry the title of doctor. She couldn’t have meant that oath, if she did, she would’ve stayed and his life would be less this fucking complicated.
Who knows, maybe something else would have split them up and this was exactly where he had to be right now. But as is, Holly was still the girl that got away.
He went home. Kate was already in bed and he took a quick shower.
Why was everything feeling so heavy?
He crawled in and need to release, not that Kate was anywhere near Holly when it comes to sex.
He kissed her neck softly. She grunted, and he kissed her earlobe.
She chuckled through closed lips. “I love it when you wake me up like this, Dr. Peters.”
She climbed on top of him and kissed him.
The kiss broke and she pulled off her nightgown, revealing the delicate artwork of Dr. Fischer, one of the best plastic surgeons walking on this earth. He cupped one of her breasts and squeezed.
She gasped for air as she rubbed a hand over his cock and he grunted.
The foreplay didn’t stay long and she pulled Jake’s boxers off and her panty and slipped on him fast.
The entry was always the nicest, and yes he did felt something while he was having sex with Kate. It felt amazing, but the built-up never came.
He tried to fuck her hard, but she always complained and tonight, was no other.
“Jake, calm down. What is wrong?” She stopped him.
“Nothing is wrong, Kate.”
“Don’t tell me that. You always hurt me when something is wrong?”
“Sorry, I didn’t think. I lost myself there for a minute.”
He pushed himself up, still with this mother erection in between his legs, and sat on the edge of the bed.
He wanted to cuss because he was thinking right now at this moment about Holly.
She doesn’t deserve it.
Her soft lips lingered on his shoulder. “It looks like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, please talk to me.”
“It’s nothing, Kate. Sorry, really. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He kissed her on her lips.
“It’s okay,” she smiled. “I worry about you.”
“Don’t,” he smiled. “You have nothing to worry about. It’s just Downsend. It’s more of a mess than I thought it would be.” He lied.
“Have you speak to your mom?”
“No, I can sort it out. It will just take time.” He pushed himself up and walk to the bathroom.
He wacked off.
It was the only way that he reached his orgasms now. Always had actually. Holly was the one and only person that could make his reach an orgasm the normal way.
When the release came, he felt better but was still tense around the shoulders.
He washed his hands and went to bed.
He didn’t want to sleep, cause since her return, the dreams return too. The ones where he was happy, the one where she stayed, and he had a beautiful boy with her.
It only fucked him over more as he felt like himself and he would never get that Jake back again. He tried. Heaven knows he tried.
He drifted away and when the sound of an alarming screech in his ears he thanked the higher power that he didn’t dream. It was just darkness.
He went to P&E.
His mother entered his office.
“Hey,” he smiled and carried on working on his schedule to see where he could fit in his newest patient.
She came to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Not saying a word.
“I’ll only be another second.” He smiled.
“I have all the time in the world.”
Jake huffed. “Big lie that one, Dr. Peters.”
She laughed. “Okay, a few minutes.”
He found a whole. And punch in Mr. Finnigan’s name. He stopped and looked at his mother. “So who do I owe the pleasure for this visit.”
She sighed.
“Kate said something?” He sighed too. “I told her not to worry about it.”
“She said that Downsend is in worse shape than you anticipated.”
“Mom, I can sort it out. Please. I don’t need your help.”
“Jake is that what is bothering you lately.”
He nodded. “One of the things, yeah.”
“Don’t you think you should maybe see Blair again.”
“Mom, I’m fine. Really. I’m just under a lot of work stress.”
“How many patients have you lost lately.”
“More than I wanted to but my rate is up to 50/50.”
She gasped. “That is great news.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I hope it stays that way.”
“One surgery at a time, Honey. There isn’t a lot of surgeons out there that would cut those tumors. Remember what Sam taught you and you will be fine.”
“Yeah, maybe I should’ve done another year at Shanghai.”
“You want to go back.”
“Nope, I love being able to take lead on my surgeries. But I should’ve stayed another year.”
“And what, not be marrying Kate at all.” She got up and took his face in both her hands. “Everything happens for a reason, Jake.”
He huffed. Was there a reason why Holly was back?
“Yeah, sure.” He sighed softly.
She let go of him and sighed too, and then walked to the door. “I’ll see you later okay.” She smiled and opened the door. “Don’t work too hard.”
His door closed.
Everything happens for a reason. Yeah, he just has to wait and see.

Rod came in around five. “You want me to go check up on the Benson kid.”
“No, he woke up yesterday.”
“Whaaat?” He reached out his first for Jake and he pumped it softly. “50/50,” Rod yelled.
Jake laughed. He really reminded him a lot about himself, the way he used to be. “I’ll go. I need to see just how bad it is. He screamed in pain last night, but he was coherent. Still, a bit of maths didn’t hurt anyone.”
“Poor kid.” Rod teased as Jake put off his computer and picked up his leather bag to go do rounds before he knocks off.
Rod walked with him. He was glad that he took this kid under his wing. Uncle Frank was right, he had the makings of a second Jake Peters.
After rounds, he said goodbye to Rod and felt how his shoulders tense again. Holly was working and surely he would find her in Ty’s room. He phoned Kate.
“I’m quickly going to Downsend to check up on my 50/50.”
She shrieked. So excited and she wanted to know everything when he woke up and in what condition he woke up. Tonight they have to celebrate. That she was quickly going to pick up Michael and then she will wait for him at reception.
The call disconnected and he climbed into his SUV and drove to Downsend.
Fifteen minutes later he was taking the stairs to Pediatrics and true to his thoughts Holly was busy with Ty. The boy looked tired as he saw him walking toward his door.
“You should sleep,” Holly advised.
“Nope, you shouldn’t. I need five minutes, Ty.” He stood in front of his bed.
She was just busy taking his blood pressure and a hatred of her filled his core again. She fucked up his life. He was so happy and she fucked it all up.
Ty smiled weakly and Jake concentrated on his patient.
“How’s the head, Ty?”
“What happened? Was that normal?” Ty asked, his voice soft.
“It happens every now and then,” Jake confirmed. “You up for some math?”
“Oh, please!” Ty groaned. “As much as I love you for saving my life, I will have no choice but to hate you if you do that to me.”
Holly pumped the bulb of the mercury sphygmomanometer. The cuff started to inflate.
“C’mon, it’s easy. Even my two-year-old can answer them,” Jake teased.
Holly stopped pumping and froze. A weak smile appeared on Jake’s face.
She really didn’t think that he would have kids eventually.
She carried on pumping the bulb again. Her jaw muscle pumped slightly.
He asked him math questions and Ty answered with a weak laugh.
“You go find y if you miss him so much.” Ty joked and Jake laughed as Holly stormed out of the room.
He smiled. “I still remembered what it was she told me. Deal is a deal.”
“I was only joking Ty. I really don’t care what she thinks of me. I’m just glad you woke up. You scared the living crap out of me.”
“Sorry. I stayed away from the light.”
Jake laughed again. “Thank you for bringing my rate up to 50/50. Do me a favor?”
“Live, enjoy every second of it. As you know now that you do not know when the last one would be. I don’t want to see you here again, okay.”
“Another thing, Another big favor.” He sighed.
“Sure, anything for the man who saved my life.”
“When you go for chemo, don’t mention that one’s name, please. You will make my life a living hell if you do.”
He laughed. “They don’t like her, oh man. Is that why the two of you are not together anymore.”
“No, but yes, they are not a big fan of her.”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Cool, thanks.” He said and tapped him softly on the face. “My work here is done.”
Ty laughed tiredly and Jake said goodbye and left.
He went to reception. Aggy had a huge smile on her face.
“Congratulations, honey.” She said. “I heard, your number is 50/50.”
He chuckled. “Thank you Aggs. Best feeling in the world. Let’s just hope it’s going to stay at 50/50.” He joked.
“You going home now?”
“Yes, I need some TLC.”
She laughed. “Give that beautiful boy of yours a hug.”
“I will.”
He still hates the fact that Kate was the one who got Aggy dispelled and eventually let go of. But Charles Downsend took her in with open arms. She was a great nurse and one with a huge heart. He took the elevator down.
He found Kate and Mickey at the reception. His heart warmed as he took Mickey from Kate and lift him up. The boy cackled, and he brought him down again, kissing him on the cheek.
At least he knew what it felt like to have a baby in the house.
Kate was just finishing her conversation with Pam and Sue.
“Congrats,” she smiled and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Me too.”
“So, how is he?”
“Perfect does maths and everything, but he has a long road ahead of him. Robie will take care of the little cancer that’s left.”
“Oh, I’m sure she will. She is a force to reckon with when it comes to cancer.”
He laughed and they said goodbye to Pam and Sue.
They went to a small family restaurant and had supper.
He really enjoyed the conversation and he felt good with the way Holly took the news.
She needs some of her own medicine. Did she still feel something for him? It didn’t seem that way. She was always so hostile, which he still had no idea why. He didn’t leave her, she left him.

That night he made sweet love to Kate.
She was happy, saying she was finally getting her man back, not the beast who had such tense shoulders, but the sweet loving man she fell in love with.
She fell asleep in his arms.
Kate didn’t love him. She couldn’t as she had no idea who Jake really was.
He doesn’t even know who he really was as he got used to the pretending.
That beast, that was him. Or the way he used to be in bed.
With her, he can never be that as she always complained at how bad it hurt.
Why didn’t it hurt Holly. Maybe it did but she never said anything.
He felt bad the minute he thought about it.
Fuck, Jake. Stop feeling bad when it comes to that fucking bitch.
Yeah, it was how he still knows he loved her deeply, and wonder if he would ever stop loving her.
It was so wrong.
He closed his eyes and pray that he wouldn’t dream that dream again. Not tonight, please.
He dreamed something completely new tonight.
Holly and him was fighting. She was crying so much. She told him that the shake wasn’t working and that she didn’t have it in her to tell his father that his shake was failing. She couldn’t.
He cried too and then felt how someone was shaking him.
He found Kate waking him up.
“Why are you crying?”
He felt his eyes and they were wet. “Sorry, had a bad dream.”
“About what?”
“One of my patients. Sorry. I’m fine.”
He got up and didn’t feel fine. He shouldn’t sympathize with her. She should’ve stayed, but the way she cried. It brought him to tears too.
She should’ve said something.
More tears filled his eyes and he shook with this emotion resting in his gut.
Why did she fucking come back?
How was he supposed to deal with this? He couldn’t tell Blair, she would tell his mother and he can’t speak to his mother either.
He felt so lost.
It was so dark.
Push forward Jake, one step at a time.

The next day he begged Rod again to check up on Ty, made some stupid excuse up so that he wouldn’t. Not after that dream. Not today.
He didn’t have the strength anymore and just try to forget the dream and concentrate on the mess she was still left in her wake.
She left to abort his baby. It shouldn’t matter what her reasons were, she could’ve told him, he would be able to reason with Amelia, found a save way to make this decision together and not behind his back like a fucking coward.
His dad could’ve given her something else.
She could’ve been okay. But she was a coward through and through.
He should remember that, focus on that.

The next week he stayed as far as he could away from Downsend. He send Rod every day to check up on Ty. He was going to come tomorrow to Jake’s office so he could make sure that the tumor or seventy percent was still gone. The other thirty was Robbie’s baby.
He quickly went to Downsend to pick up some papers and wanted to find out if he hadn’t left his charger up on Peads.
He couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere.
When he walked out of the elevator he heard a commotion.
A woman was crying, and Holly’s voice was begging through grunts.
“Baby, please enough. She is gone.” Aggy tried again.
“C’mon, Ellie,” Holly yelled.
Sue was holding the woman tightly who was beyond crying, and angry.
He rushed into the room and saw the horror. The patient was gone and she had marks on her body. Holly was out of her mind.
He wrapped both his arms around her and pulled her off the bed. Got a strong whiff of her scent that will fuck him surely up for days to come. When he set her down, she just stared at him with huge angry eyes.
Hostile again.
He took the paddles from her. “Enough. She’s gone, Holly,” Jake said.
He could see the anger behind her eyes.
“You are insane,” the little girls’ mother yelled. “I swear, I will sue this hospital.”
Holly looked at the mother confused. She pushed out of Jake’s grasp and stormed out the room. His eyes glanced on the total she set the voltage too. If a patient woke up, she wouldn’t have lived much longer. A huge fucking error was made tonight and he put the machine off with the heart monitor that was just beeping a long flat line. He hated that sound.
“Phone Teresse, Aggy,” Jake command as the mother cried more.
Jake took Sue’s spot and held her tightly as she sobbed in his arms.
He kept looking over his shoulders at the girl’s lifeless body lying on that bed.
“I am so sorry. I know a huge error was made tonight. I can only imagine what it is you are going through. If you want to sue, speak to me. It’s my hospital. I will deal with Dr. Scallanger.”
“Why didn’t she stop?” The woman said through sobs.
“It’s not in use to stop when it comes to saving a life. Teresse isn’t here to guide this, and you won’t find a doctor that really listens to nurses. Can we please just wait for Teresse.”
She nodded. He leads her to the waiting area and asked Aggy to get her a cup of coffee.
Tears lingered in his eyes. He had no idea how Armand was doing this. To lose them at this age. It was breaking him and she wasn’t even his child.
Teresse ran into the waiting area where Jake waited with Connie, he learned her name through Aggy when she handed her a cup of coffee.
Teresse cried with her. They spoke about this before.
“Holly,” the woman cried and she couldn’t even get her sentence out.
Teresse looked at Jake. “What happened?” she looked worried.
“She didn’t let go. She left marks on her body.”
She sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Oh Holly, I’m so sorry. Ellie was her first death, it’s no excuse Connie but Doctors never forget their firsts. I’m so sorry. I will deal with her.”
Jake gave her his card for her lawyer.
“Don’t,” Connie pushed it away. “I just want to get out of here.”
He put the card back in his pocket. “Can I phone someone for you.”
She shook her head.
“Your husband.”
“That asshole, he wanted me to abort her when he found out I was pregnant. He is not apart of our lives.”
He closed his eyes. He knew how she felt. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I get you an Uber then? I’ll pay.”
“Thank you,” she cried again.
He went over to the phone.
“Aggy,” he heard Teresse’s voice calling from the waiting area’s door as he spoke to one of the Uber guys he knew.
Teresse walked into Ellie’s room and cried. She took the white linen off the bed and pulled it over Ellie’s face.
He disconnected the call and wrapped his arms around Teresse. “I don’t know how you can do this, Teresse. They are so little.”
She sniffed. “Part of the job. Where is Holly?”
“I don’t know. She ran away like usual.” He said and she looked at him confused.
It was a slip-up.
“You know she needs a warning for this.”
She nodded.
“I’ll give her one. She went too far.”
She nodded again. “She needs to learn how to deal with death, do whatever you have to as I don’t want to lose her. She has great potential dealing with kids.”
“Yeah, sure,” he said and santered off.
Great potential. He huffed. Guilt if you asked him.

Ellie’s case was bothering him the entire night. He handed Teresse the warning right before he left and told her to put it in his office.
He told Kate about Ellie without mentioning any names. She doesn’t know Holly but she knew of Holly. He had eventually told her his sad story about what happened five years ago a few months back. Sleep that night also came hard and the next morning he felt tired as he walked into P&E.
He went through his appointments and saw the Bensons were coming around ten today and he phoned Robin to make sure that she is in his office at ten for the handover.
She entered his office promptly and he picked up the phone to tell Penelope to called in the Benson’s who was waiting in his waiting room.
“Dr. Peters,” Ty looked a hell of a lot better, wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater with sneakers.
Mavis smiled from ear to ear.
He got up, gave her a hug, and shook George’s hand.
He slapped Ty on the shoulder and begged him with his eyes not to say anything about Holly.
Ty laughed.
He introduced the other Dr. Peters to them, heard the jokes about how beautiful she was, the total opposite of Jake, and she explained to them what the course of action was going to be. That Ty still had a few sick weeks in front of him, but it wasn’t dead anymore, that they were definitely going to beat this.
All three of them looked hopeful.
Rod took Ty for his scan and brought it afterward for Jake to look at. He was happy, no growth whatsoever, and told him to give the scan to Robin.
He ran out with the scan in his hand.
He was glad that he saved Tylor’s life and thought about Holly again.
Why did she trust him with Ty’s tumor but didn’t trust him with his baby? So many questions were arising and he knows, even if his mother told him that she never deserves a thing from Jake, that he should talk to her about what happened 5 years ago, but a part of him was shit scared of it too. Was he ready to hear the truth? What she had to say.
But he was contemplating it. At least that was a start.